Love without Monogamous Restrictions: A poly perspective on polyamory

Edited by Attica Lundy Cooper

Most hear the word polyamory and think of a man or woman being allowed to sleep with as many people as they like without restrictions. Some even think its justified cheating. People just can’t seem to wrap their minds around the idea that a man or woman can have multiple partners and be in love with each and every one.

The word polyamory is made up of two words the first poly meaning many and amour meaning love. So it literally translates to love many. And that is the foundation on which it is built upon.

To love many people, to freely love many people and not care what anyone thinks. Like most relationships people who are in poly relationships have rules. Jealousy is something that can be found in all relationships and is not something that people who are poly are immune to.

You will find that in a polyamorous relationships communication is key. Talking about what one is comfortable with and is not comfortable with helps to better understand your partners’ needs. There are many combinations are polyamorous relationship can take.

For example: Jess and Toni are in a relationship. Jess is bi and wants to date a man and a woman and that’s it; While Toni might want to be monogamous and doesn’t want to date other people other than Jess but is ok with Jess dating other people. This is called a V relationship because the only thing connecting the two other partners are Jess.

You will learn that love isn’t something that has to be connected to one person and only one person. It can spread and grow filling your life with love and acceptance. It is just as heartbreaking to lose one of your partners in a poly relationship as it is in a monogamous one. The only difference is that you have another partner to comfort you when you’re feeling bad.

Polyamory isn’t for everyone. For some people the idea of loving more than one person is odd. It is to be expected in a society that tells you must just have one partner and everyone else around you is either off limits or are your competition. It doesn’t have to be, you can freely choose and love as many people as you want and be happy.

A world in love is a world at peace.

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